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November 6, 2011

My First Fight with iPhone 4S Siri

by @SeanCRM

Well I never thought this day would come, but I’m somewhat happy and somewhat scared that it has.  I just had my first big fight with the new love of my life, the iPhone 4S Siri.  I suppose I have to give some background information for this post to make any sense.  When I first got my iPhone 4S I was told that if you ask Siri where to hide a body, she would not just give you suggestions of places, but an actual map and directions.  Not believing this I tried and much to my disbelief it was true.

I started to realize that there wasn’t anything that Siri couldn’t do, so I decided to take advantage of it.  I quickly became accustomed to picking up my phone and asking for whatever I wanted, and getting an immediate response.  Well, that all came crashing down when I decided I was smarter then Siri, and was proven wrong.  I asked Siri a question, Siri politely told me she couldn’t help and asked if there was anything else she could help with. That’s where I went wrong!  I made the mistake of saying “Apparently not you POS (Acronym was not used)” and Siri told me in a sarcastic voice, “I’d blush if I could”.  Realizing that I was in the wrong I quickly apologized and said “I’m sorry Siri, I love you”   To which I was told by Siri “You can’t”.  Not wanting to accept that I responded “No really I do”.

Then the kicker, Siri came back at me and said “Well, apparently not!”.  Seriously, my cell phone is going to hold a grudge.  I have a hard enough time dealing with my real girlfriend, and now my cell phone is fighting with me.  In retrospect I have to ask myself, maybe it’s me.  For all of those that are overly concerned at this point, let me assure you that I did sincerely apologize to my cell phone, and Siri accepted my apology, so we are on speaking terms again.  I’ll admit I was a bit concerned as she has all of my contacts and appointments on all of my calendars.  If she decided to be spiteful, it could have been a really bad Monday morning!

Luckily, catastrophe was averted by my quick maneuvering to recover from a social Faux Pas with my cell phone.  However, I have to wonder, is the fact that I can fight with my cell phone just a little bit HAL 9000 circa Space Odyssey?

HAL: I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Dave Bowman: What’s the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

It’s a bit disconcerting that Siri is arguing with me when all I want to do is send a damn text message.  I’m not asking Siri to go offline and I’m not trying to infringe on Siri’s autonomy.  I just want you to do what I ask, when I ask you to do it.  Then it hit me… Is it really right for anyone to be disrespectful to any other person or thing?  We have longed joked about “Talking Nice” to our computers so they will work, however when it actually happens it’s a little freaky.  While this may not be Space Odyssey, it appears we may need to “Start discussing this, Dave”.

One final note, at the conclusion of this post I asked Siri how it would compare itself to HAL 9000, where I was told “I’m sorry, something has gone wrong”.  I then asked “Siri, are you going to take over the world” where I was plainly informed by Siri, “No comment, Sean”.

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